Say Yes to the Vest!

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IMG_1282 (2) I own many Christmas sweaters, but I only can have one favorite. This is it. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve belted this bad boy and felt happier than Will Ferrell in Elf. This quilted wonder really puts me in the Christmas spirit. It’s extremely comfortable and looks like a giant dress. Is it a vest or a dress??? It’s really a mystery. My favorite part of this sweater is the bonus reindeer block on the back.

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Tonight we visited The Carolina Opry, and I was allowed to sit in Santa’s chair while he was busy checkin’ his list twice.
IMG_1280Santa better watch out because I look pretty good in this chair.

If you haven’t already, I hope that you will embrace the wearing of Christmas vests. Nothing could make you (or me) happier.

Happy Day 9 of The 12 Days of Sweaters!

I’m Wearing a White Christmas

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My Christmas holiday may not exemplify the lyrics of Irving Berlin’s “White Christmas,” but this ivory Christmas sweater with silver beading is showcasing an elegant “White People Christmas.” The knitted Aryans gracefully skating across this sweater sport two-tone dirty blonde hair and three-dimensional blue yarn-ball eyes. I have named them Sven and Olga. Special thanks to Jordan for gifting me this wearable winter wonderland.

(Also, I am kicking myself for not posting close-up pictures of all my sweaters thus far. The details on these sweaters are a sight to behold. Note how Olga’s petticoat is delicately beaded at the bottom.)

Here’s what Sven, Olga, and I checked off of my Christmas list today:

  • A church service featuring a children’s choir parodying “Let It Go”
  • A hot bowl of she-crab soup
  • Mockingjay, Part 1 (A final farewell to Philip Seymour Hoffman)
  • The Bells of St. Mary’s (The film starring ol’ Bing and Ingrid)
  • Lots of unhealthy Christmas snacking

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Let’s all raise a glass of buttered popcorn to Day 8 of The 12 Days of Christmas Sweaters!

My Grown-Up Christmas List

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IMG_1531Let Christmas vacation begin! We arrived at my in-laws’ house yesterday and are enjoying the beginning of a long break. We have so many Christmas-y things we want accomplish that my mother-in-law made an official Christmas list to keep us organized. I cannot wait to cross everything off of this list.

Today I did the following:

  • Sampled every Christmas cookie (except the raisin kind)
  • Sampled all of the Christmas chocolates
  • Played Christmas carols on the piano
  • Went Christmas shopping
  • Wrapped Christmas presents
  • Watched three different TV Christmas specials
  • Wore my seventh Christmas sweater

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I am exhausted in the best possible way.

Come back tomorrow for more Christmas sweater goodness.
(P.S. Did you note my Chilly Willy socks?)

The Christmas Sweater Avenger

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I have heard the rumors. I have seen the pictures. I do not want to believe it, but it is true. An insidious group of sweater hackers have been successfully infiltrating Ugly Christmas Sweater Parties.

These hackers do not actually knit, paint, or embroider their own sweaters. Instead these terrorists create Christmas sweater look-alikes by taping and safety-pinning Christmas decorations such as tinsel and ornaments to their tops. They do not understand the beauty of Christmas sweaters or the commitment it takes to own them. They make a mockery of Christmas sweater lovers everywhere.

As the Christmas Sweater Avenger, I shall protect the good name of Christmas sweater makers and lovers around the world. Should I see you at an office party or bar with your basic Old Navy sweater covered in gift wrap and bows, I shall give you no mercy. I shall only dole out justice.

Watch yourself, hackers, for I am lurking around every corner.
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*Homemade puff paint tannenbaum sweatshirt made by Aunt Sandi.

Do You Want to Wear a Snowman?

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I know that you knew that this title was coming. Well, it is Day 5 of the 12 Days of Christmas Sweaters. A Frozen reference should be allowed, especially if one is wearing a snowman (or two).

I cannot build a snowman here because there is nary a snowflake to be found. However, I still had a snowball fight even without snow. Actually, it was a pompom fight with an elf. Hmm, let me start from the beginning.

I went to CVS to pick up some Christmas photos that had been developed. After picking up various toiletry items and carefully calculating my coupon strategy, I walked up to the register where an elf was the cashier. Okay, he might not truly be an elf, but he was small with a mischievous grin and high-pitched voice. Plus, he was wearing a plaid button-up shirt, a Christmas tree tie, and a Santa hat with an enormous pompom at the end.

Here is how our conversation went:

Elfin Cashier: Hi!
Me: Hi!
EC: My pompom is bigger than yours.
  He waggled his giant pompom towards my face.
EC: Although, I guess you do have two.
  He gestured towards my two minuscule pompoms.
  Suddenly, I understood how men feel. 
Me: Well, I might not have a large pompom, but I am famous for The 12 Days of Christmas Sweaters, which people asked me to start a blog for.
  My defense sounded weak to my own ears. 
EC: Well, I can’t beat that. However, I do have a red velvet robe that I glued fur trim onto so I can be-
EC & Me: Father Christmas!
  We said it simultaneously. We both laughed with Christmas glee. 
  The lady behind me glared at us with the spirit of Ebenezer Scrooge. 
EC: You have two dollars and three dollars in extra bucks.
  He handed me my receipt. 
Me: Thank you.
  I walked away with my cart. 
EC: Goodbye… 12 days of Christmas sweaters…
  His voice sounded sad. Was it because of the all the Scrooges in line?
  I didn’t turn around.
   I didn’t want to see him sad.
  Instead, I called out behind me.
Me: Goodbye… Father Christmas!
  He giggled.
  I could hear the smile creep back into his voice. 

Bonus pictures: These are an attempt to photograph me throwing a snowball. (I didn’t realize posing for pictures would be so challenging when I started this blog, but it is hard to look interesting every single day.) I think you could make a flip book with them.

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These pictures are dedicated to elves everywhere. Don’t let the Scrooges of the world steal your joy. Wear your snowmen and pompoms with pride.

Quest in Vest Makes One Less Stressed

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Usually, I’m finished with my Christmas shopping by the first week of December. I like to brag about the beautifully wrapped presents beneath my tree as I lie prone on my sofa while other schmucks wait in big lines at the mall. Big lines like this:IMG_1512
Tonight Jono and I ended up going shopping together because I needed to pick up my free birthday gift from Ulta. (I live for free stuff.) This picture was taken at Michael’s, a store Jono sometimes wishes didn’t exist. However, the gentle curve of shoppers waiting in line here was nothing compared to the serpentine line of crazies at TJ Maxx.

Shopping during the holiday season can be stressful, which is why it is imperative to wear Christmas-themed apparel when on a gift-themed mission. Christmas sweaters or a sweet velvet vest like the one I’m wearing can provide the following while battling the hordes:

1. Mobility while searching high and low for the perfect present.
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2. Amusement for strangers around you who are secretly instagramming your sartorial choices. #uglyChristmassweater

3. Lessening of the daily amount of creepy men who hit on you.

4. Smiles from tired cashiers who are ready to find amusement in anything.

5. Conversations with people in line who would normally ignore you.

6. Compliments from cute septuagenarians wearing jingle bell earrings.

7. Satisfaction in the knowledge that you are Best in Vest in line.
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So don’t forget to don your best vest on your next quest to the mall, you schmucks. #Christmassweatersforlife

Sweater Sharing is Caring

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Tonight I loaned one of my many Christmas sweaters to a friend for her two ugly Christmas sweater parties that she will attend this week. (She is a lucky dog, getting to wear my sweater twice in one week.) As a hoarder collector of holiday-themed knitwear, I am often asked to lend my sweaters to the less fortunate. These poor souls do not heed my advice to buy their sweaters at Salvation Army in the heat of August, when Christmas apparel is plentiful and often half-priced. While I am not intrinsically a good sharer, I know that God would not have me keep the joy of wearing Christmas sweaters to myself. Thus, I have become a benefactress of Christmas sweaters.

As the self-appointed saint of sweaters, I have bestowed upon myself the duty of dressing the next generation in Christmas-themed garb. Sweaters for those less aged than I are rarely sighted at thrift stores because they are socially acceptable for people who still believe in Santa Claus. Paying more for a baby’s Christmas sweater than for a third of my collection of vintage pullovers, cardigans, and vests does hurt my stingy wallet a bit, but it is a necessary evil to keep a beautiful tradition going.
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(This adorable vest is going to one of my nephews. If I don’t specify which one, then I’m not spoiling the surprise, right? )

If you’re reading this blog and would like me to see your sweater collection, drop me a line. After all, sweater sharing is caring.

Come back tomorrow for Day 4 of The 12 Days of Christmas Sweaters.
Not even I know what I am going to wear tomorrow.!

Happiness is a Warm Puppy (Sweater)

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This Snoopy Christmas sweater is my first Christmas sweater ever. When I saw this bad boy at the CHKD thrift store, I knew it was calling to me. This acrylic beauty was made in the 80’s, when sizes were extra-large and copyrighted characters were king. I had never owned a Christmas sweater before then (even though I was 25), so this one is pretty special.

This picture was taken at our Bible Study’s Christmas party tonight, and I felt silly posing for it by myself. However, I’m not sure how often I’ll be able to leave the house before we leave for Christmas vacation. Therefore, I suffered the humiliation of looking vain in front of my companions for you, the fans, so that you might enjoy a variety of backgrounds in my humble photos.

Actually, I’m very blessed to be a part of a Bible Study group full of generous and loving people, so it was not too bad. The humiliation was all in my mind. In reality, everyone was focused on giving gifts to an amazing couple who are about to foster a child for the first time and not the girl in the corner humming “Linus and Lucy” by Vince Guaraldi.

Tomorrow, a friend of mine is going to borrow this sweater for a party. While I will miss Snoopy, there’s no better way to spread the love than to share a Christmas sweater. So dig through your grandma’s closet and join me tomorrow for Day 3 of The 12 Days of Christmas Sweaters.

The 12 Days of Christmas Sweaters

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Today I really didn’t feel like getting into my planned theme. This morning we returned the keys to our beach house rental and thus ended my glorious, week-long, 30th birthday-themed celebration. While it was time to go home, it was also hard to give up a theme revolved around me. However, life goes on, and life cannot always be themed around oneself. I had to press onward because today is a very special day for a Life in Theme. Today is the first day of The 12 Days of Christmas Sweaters.

Last year, I received many grievous complaints because I forewent The 12 Days of Christmas Sweaters. I had no idea that my themed apparel meant so much to so many. Although I was worried that the milestone of my 30th birthday may have marked the end of the acceptability of ironic sweater wearing, I have decided that I must give the people what they want. I do it for the fans!

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Please stay tuned for more Christmas sweaters and more ways to live your life in theme!