You Better Watch Out!

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It’s Day 11 of The 12 Days of Christmas Sweaters. In other parts of the country this day is called Christmas Eve. Christmas Eve is a very special night for people around the world. This is a night when a fat man in a red suit who has been peeping at you all year comes to every home in the world.

How does this obese man keep tabs on every person in the world? That’s obvious. He uses a surveillance team. Personnel on this team has access to some of the best espionage technology in the world. Don’t ask me how I know this.

Let’s change the subject. Here is my eleventh Christmas sweater. It has an elf climbing up my shoulder on the back.
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Tomorrow’s the final day of The 12 Days of Christmas Sweaters!
Have a festive Christmas Eve.

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Quest in Vest Makes One Less Stressed

Usually, I’m finished with my Christmas shopping by the first week of December. I like to brag about the beautifully wrapped presents beneath my tree as I lie prone on my sofa while other schmucks wait in big lines at the mall. Big lines like this:IMG_1512
Tonight Jono and I ended up going shopping together because I needed to pick up my free birthday gift from Ulta. (I live for free stuff.) This picture was taken at Michael’s, a store Jono sometimes wishes didn’t exist. However, the gentle curve of shoppers waiting in line here was nothing compared to the serpentine line of crazies at TJ Maxx.

Shopping during the holiday season can be stressful, which is why it is imperative to wear Christmas-themed apparel when on a gift-themed mission. Christmas sweaters or a sweet velvet vest like the one I’m wearing can provide the following while battling the hordes:

1. Mobility while searching high and low for the perfect present.
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2. Amusement for strangers around you who are secretly instagramming your sartorial choices. #uglyChristmassweater

3. Lessening of the daily amount of creepy men who hit on you.

4. Smiles from tired cashiers who are ready to find amusement in anything.

5. Conversations with people in line who would normally ignore you.

6. Compliments from cute septuagenarians wearing jingle bell earrings.

7. Satisfaction in the knowledge that you are Best in Vest in line.
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So don’t forget to don your best vest on your next quest to the mall, you schmucks. #Christmassweatersforlife