The Ol’ Twofer

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I received some sweaters as gifts after I started The 20 Days of Christmas Sweaters this year, so I actually have a couple extra. There is only one thing to do when this happens. You must wear two sweaters at the same time. Great Scott, this is a genius idea!

Note the cute buttons on my velour snowmen vest.

I want to write more, but I have a bit of a Christmas emergency on my hands. Apparently, some of the online orders I made last weekend didn’t actually go through. (Is this an internet connection problem?) I even checked my credit card transactions, and these gifts appear to be made up in my head. Okay, not really. I shouldn’t order Christmas gifts after midnight because our horrible internet company is always doing something to the connection then. Don’t they know that after-midnight hours are prime web time?! Now I have to figure out replacement gifts because some of my thoughtfully chosen gifts are out of stock. ūüė¶ I bet this never happens to Santa. Are you all finished with your Christmas shopping?

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Do You Want to Wear a Snowman?

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I know that you knew that this title was coming. Well, it is Day 5 of the 12 Days of Christmas Sweaters. A Frozen reference should be allowed, especially if one is wearing a snowman (or two).

I cannot build a snowman here because there is nary a snowflake to be found. However, I still had a snowball fight even without snow. Actually, it was a pompom fight with an elf. Hmm, let me start from the beginning.

I went to CVS to pick up some Christmas photos that had been developed. After picking up various toiletry items and carefully calculating my coupon strategy, I walked up to the register where an elf was the cashier. Okay, he might not truly be an elf, but he was small with a mischievous grin and high-pitched voice. Plus, he was wearing a plaid button-up shirt, a Christmas tree tie, and a Santa hat with an enormous pompom at the end.

Here is how our conversation went:

Elfin Cashier: Hi!
Me: Hi!
EC: My pompom is bigger than yours.
  He waggled his giant pompom towards my face.
EC: Although, I guess you do have two.
  He gestured towards my two minuscule pompoms.
  Suddenly, I understood how men feel. 
Me: Well, I might not have a large pompom, but I am famous for The 12 Days of Christmas Sweaters, which people asked me to start a blog for.
  My defense sounded weak to my own ears. 
EC: Well, I can’t beat that. However, I do have a red velvet robe that I glued fur trim onto so I can be-
EC & Me: Father Christmas!
  We said it simultaneously. We both laughed with Christmas glee. 
  The lady behind me glared at us with the spirit of Ebenezer Scrooge. 
EC: You have two dollars and three dollars in extra bucks.
  He handed me my receipt. 
Me: Thank you.
  I walked away with my cart. 
EC: Goodbye… 12 days of Christmas sweaters…
  His voice sounded sad. Was it because of the all the Scrooges in line?
¬† I didn’t turn around.
¬† ¬†I didn’t want to see him sad.
  Instead, I called out behind me.
Me: Goodbye… Father Christmas!
  He giggled.
  I could hear the smile creep back into his voice. 

Bonus pictures: These are an attempt to¬†photograph me¬†throwing a snowball. (I didn’t realize posing for pictures would be so¬†challenging¬†when I started this blog, but it is hard to look interesting every single day.) I think you could make a flip book with them.

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These pictures are dedicated to elves everywhere. Don’t let the Scrooges of the world steal your joy. Wear your snowmen and pompoms with pride.

Quest in Vest Makes One Less Stressed

Usually, I’m finished with my Christmas shopping by the first week of December. I like¬†to¬†brag about the beautifully wrapped presents beneath my tree as I lie prone on my sofa while other schmucks wait in big lines at the mall. Big lines like this:IMG_1512
Tonight Jono and I ended up going shopping together because I needed to pick up my free birthday gift from Ulta. (I live for free stuff.) This picture was¬†taken at Michael’s, a store Jono sometimes wishes didn’t exist. However, the gentle curve of shoppers waiting in line here¬†was nothing compared to the serpentine line of crazies at TJ Maxx.

Shopping¬†during the holiday season can be stressful, which is why it is imperative to wear Christmas-themed apparel when on a gift-themed mission. Christmas sweaters or a sweet velvet vest like the one I’m wearing can provide¬†the following while battling the hordes:

1. Mobility while searching high and low for the perfect present.
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2. Amusement for strangers around you who are secretly instagramming your sartorial choices. #uglyChristmassweater

3. Lessening of the daily amount of creepy men who hit on you.

4. Smiles from tired cashiers who are ready to find amusement in anything.

5. Conversations with people in line who would normally ignore you.

6. Compliments from cute septuagenarians wearing jingle bell earrings.

7. Satisfaction in the knowledge that you are Best in Vest in line.
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So don’t forget to don your best vest on your next quest to the mall, you schmucks.¬†#Christmassweatersforlife