Quest in Vest Makes One Less Stressed

Usually, I’m finished with my Christmas shopping by the first week of December. I like to brag about the beautifully wrapped presents beneath my tree as I lie prone on my sofa while other schmucks wait in big lines at the mall. Big lines like this:IMG_1512
Tonight Jono and I ended up going shopping together because I needed to pick up my free birthday gift from Ulta. (I live for free stuff.) This picture was taken at Michael’s, a store Jono sometimes wishes didn’t exist. However, the gentle curve of shoppers waiting in line here was nothing compared to the serpentine line of crazies at TJ Maxx.

Shopping during the holiday season can be stressful, which is why it is imperative to wear Christmas-themed apparel when on a gift-themed mission. Christmas sweaters or a sweet velvet vest like the one I’m wearing can provide the following while battling the hordes:

1. Mobility while searching high and low for the perfect present.
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2. Amusement for strangers around you who are secretly instagramming your sartorial choices. #uglyChristmassweater

3. Lessening of the daily amount of creepy men who hit on you.

4. Smiles from tired cashiers who are ready to find amusement in anything.

5. Conversations with people in line who would normally ignore you.

6. Compliments from cute septuagenarians wearing jingle bell earrings.

7. Satisfaction in the knowledge that you are Best in Vest in line.
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So don’t forget to don your best vest on your next quest to the mall, you schmucks. #Christmassweatersforlife

Sweater Sharing is Caring

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Tonight I loaned one of my many Christmas sweaters to a friend for her two ugly Christmas sweater parties that she will attend this week. (She is a lucky dog, getting to wear my sweater twice in one week.) As a hoarder collector of holiday-themed knitwear, I am often asked to lend my sweaters to the less fortunate. These poor souls do not heed my advice to buy their sweaters at Salvation Army in the heat of August, when Christmas apparel is plentiful and often half-priced. While I am not intrinsically a good sharer, I know that God would not have me keep the joy of wearing Christmas sweaters to myself. Thus, I have become a benefactress of Christmas sweaters.

As the self-appointed saint of sweaters, I have bestowed upon myself the duty of dressing the next generation in Christmas-themed garb. Sweaters for those less aged than I are rarely sighted at thrift stores because they are socially acceptable for people who still believe in Santa Claus. Paying more for a baby’s Christmas sweater than for a third of my collection of vintage pullovers, cardigans, and vests does hurt my stingy wallet a bit, but it is a necessary evil to keep a beautiful tradition going.
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(This adorable vest is going to one of my nephews. If I don’t specify which one, then I’m not spoiling the surprise, right? )

If you’re reading this blog and would like me to see your sweater collection, drop me a line. After all, sweater sharing is caring.

Come back tomorrow for Day 4 of The 12 Days of Christmas Sweaters.
Not even I know what I am going to wear tomorrow.!

Happiness is a Warm Puppy (Sweater)

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T
his Snoopy Christmas sweater is my first Christmas sweater ever. When I saw this bad boy at the CHKD thrift store, I knew it was calling to me. This acrylic beauty was made in the 80’s, when sizes were extra-large and copyrighted characters were king. I had never owned a Christmas sweater before then (even though I was 25), so this one is pretty special.

This picture was taken at our Bible Study’s Christmas party tonight, and I felt silly posing for it by myself. However, I’m not sure how often I’ll be able to leave the house before we leave for Christmas vacation. Therefore, I suffered the humiliation of looking vain in front of my companions for you, the fans, so that you might enjoy a variety of backgrounds in my humble photos.

Actually, I’m very blessed to be a part of a Bible Study group full of generous and loving people, so it was not too bad. The humiliation was all in my mind. In reality, everyone was focused on giving gifts to an amazing couple who are about to foster a child for the first time and not the girl in the corner humming “Linus and Lucy” by Vince Guaraldi.

Tomorrow, a friend of mine is going to borrow this sweater for a party. While I will miss Snoopy, there’s no better way to spread the love than to share a Christmas sweater. So dig through your grandma’s closet and join me tomorrow for Day 3 of The 12 Days of Christmas Sweaters.

The 12 Days of Christmas Sweaters

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Today I really didn’t feel like getting into my planned theme. This morning we returned the keys to our beach house rental and thus ended my glorious, week-long, 30th birthday-themed celebration. While it was time to go home, it was also hard to give up a theme revolved around me. However, life goes on, and life cannot always be themed around oneself. I had to press onward because today is a very special day for a Life in Theme. Today is the first day of The 12 Days of Christmas Sweaters.

Last year, I received many grievous complaints because I forewent The 12 Days of Christmas Sweaters. I had no idea that my themed apparel meant so much to so many. Although I was worried that the milestone of my 30th birthday may have marked the end of the acceptability of ironic sweater wearing, I have decided that I must give the people what they want. I do it for the fans!

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Please stay tuned for more Christmas sweaters and more ways to live your life in theme!