Jingle Bells, Cougars Smell

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Today my wonderful husband took me shopping at Hobby Lobby because my also wonderful sister-in-law gave me a gift card to this craft store mecca. (I really like to start crafts and never finish them. It brings me great joy.) He walked around the miles of craft supplies, pointing out stuff he thought I’d like. It was pretty adorable. Usually Jono loses me in stores because I tend to be blocked by other shoppers who are bigger than I am. He really appreciated the jingle bells on this sweater that helped him find me. Ha!

I am very lucky to have a thoughtful husband who encourages me to go shopping with my gift cards. (Hoarding gift cards bring me joy as well.) Also, Jono dances well and looks cute in a holiday sweater.

Jono’s good looks can get him into trouble though. Let me tell you about an incident at the Dance Studio yesterday. It involves a cougar and some racism.

We arrived at the lesson a minute or two late. Our dance instructor, who had taught our last lesson, recognized us and called us on over when we got there. With him were the two older gentlemen who also have been regulars at the beginner classes, an elderly Taiwanese man and a slightly younger, balding Asian man who is old enough to be my father. A new student was there too. She was wearing a sleeveless, high-low, see-through tunic over a tank top and mini-skirt with dance shoes and leg warmers. I could see her squinting at Jono through her purple glasses, and I knew what was going through her greasy blonde head. This cougar thought she could steal Jono from me.

This was funny for a couple reasons. First of all, no one can steal Jono from me. I do not say this out of conceit from my looks or charms. I say this because Jono is a committed husband who believes marriage is forever. (Also, he loves me. Duh.)  Second of all, though this lady was in good shape for her age, her age was quite out of the range my husband would ever consider dating if he were single. She must’ve been about a decade older than him. Jono is not 19, so a decade older is not really much competition for me.

Back to the story. The lady looked at the bald Asian man she was paired with and pushed him away from her. “Oh, is this your partner?” she cried cattily as if Asians could only dance with other Asians. She started moving towards Jono. “No,” I replied while giving her my world-famous stink eye.

I might’ve commented on her racist remarks, but the cougar suddenly caught the eye of our dance instructor. He had seen it all, and he looked at her with a disappointed and slightly superior eye as if to say, “That was so racist and thirsty that I am embarrassed to have even witnessed it.” This look so shamed the cougar that she went back to her original dance partner (who really deserved better).

After our lesson was done, Jono asked me why the cougar had thought he was gay and the older Asian man was his dance partner. I laughed.

 

 

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